A Woman Being Regarded as a Sinner until Her Husband Is Pleased with Her

John William Godward's oil painting “Dolce Far Niente,” 1889

According to the Qur'an, the man and the woman in a marriage must both be select, noble and virtuous people who fear God. That is the basis of marriage in the Qur'an.

A woman who hurts her husband will be under the curse of God until she makes him contented. (R. Nasihin)

She who does not observe the rights of her husband will have failed to observe the rights of God. (Shir’a)

There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works: … a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again … (Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, 12/178, Kitab al-ashribah, 2, fasl fi'l-ashribah)

The references in the above fabricated hadiths to women “... failing to please their husbands or not observing their rights” are again in blatant opposition to the verses of the Qur’an. If a Muslim woman behaves toward her husband in a manner that is not compatible with the moral values of the Qur’an, then she loses God’s approval, not that of her husband; what truly matters for a Muslim is the loss of God’s approval. For that reason, the important thing for a Muslim is not the approval of his or her spouse, but that of God. So according to the Qur’an, once a Muslim woman has made good her error and earned the approval of God, it is of no importance to her whether her husband or anyone else approves of her. Indeed, if the other person has a Muslim nature, he will naturally be pleased with this state of affairs as that will be pleasing to God.

However, the general perspective of these false hadiths is strikingly reminiscent of marriages from the Time of Ignorance, based entirely on polytheism, rather than on God and the commandments of the Qur’an. As we have already said, a married man and woman in the Qur’an are select people who fear God, and who possess noble and superior moral values. That is what marriage is based on in the Qur’an. So long as they remain married, their feelings of love, affection, respect, compassion and loyalty to one another grow stronger all the time.

God reveals in the Qur’an that love, compassion, modesty and tranquility must all be present together in marriage:

Among His signs is that He created spouses for you of your own kind so that you might find tranquility in them. And He has placed affection and compassion between you. There are certainly signs in that for people who reflect. (Qur'an, 30:21)

There are thus enormous differences between the model of marriage set out in the false hadiths with its conflicts, intense disputes, belittlement and humiliating actions, and the model of marriage in the Qur’an.

It must not be forgotten that in Islam, goodness is shown, not for the hope of reward from other people, but for the approval of God, and Muslims hope for a recompense for their good deeds from God alone. God reveals that morality as follows in a verse:

those who give their wealth to purify themselves – not to repay someone else for a favor done – desiring only the Face of their Lord Most High. They will certainly be satisfied. (Qur'an, 92:18-21)

Therefore, according to the Qur’an, a woman will try to please only God and give thanks to Him and will desire His approval. Her only Lord is our Almighty Lord, not her husband. A mentality that tells women to engage in all sorts of horrible actions in order to repay her husband therefore stands in total opposition to the Qur’an.